Real

Pictured above is Tizate. In less than three weeks, this will be my home. Everyone keeps telling me, "it won't feel real until you're stepping onto that plane!", but no. It feels so real. I'm actually thankful that the seas of emotions are hitting me now, because I don't know how much my heart will be able to handle when I'm in Tizate!

Leaving my family feels real. I love each member of my family to pieces and over the past few days I've found myself swallowing a whole lot of tears when we're together. Whether it be in times of noise and chaos (what is my family without noise and chaos?) or the quieter moments of conversation, I'm trying to soak it all in. I'm so incredibly thankful for the support and incredible generosity and love that they've gifted me with, and a year is going to be a long time without laughing and singing and talking and just being together. Missing my family is already real.

Fear feels real. Fear of missing my flights. Fear of living in a foreign country with a foreign culture where gang violence is an issue. Fear of living in a place where being a white female can draw unwanted attention. Fear of being incredibly lonely and wanting to go home. Fear of standing in front of those kids the first day of school and having no idea what to say. Fear of frustration when I will want to understand what a person is saying, but can't, because my Spanish isn't great. Fear (more like a very deep, intense phobia) of large spiders. Fear is very real.

But throughout this entire journey, I have never been more sure of the reality of a God who is here and cares so deeply for each person He has created. God is more real than homesickness. He is more real than loneliness, and fear. Every time I begin to become overwhelmed I can hear Him whisper, "I'm right here. Don't be afraid", and suddenly everything is washed away with the amazing truth that Jesus is leading me to a place where I feel wholly myself. I can suddenly remember the feeling of an intense and unexplainable love that I had for a little boy who I met in the streets. I can suddenly remember the feeling of Jesus being there, kneeling beside me as I touched the swollen feet of a 97-year-old woman and praying that the pain would go away. Suddenly I feel a desperate need to follow Jesus, and to just be with Him. He is clearing the path, teaching me how to be more like Him (this is no easy task and His patience astounds me), and changing me so that I can experience His love in greater depth. He has things to show me, relationships that He wants me to form, and people who Has has intended me to love. God is more real than anything else.

#ElTizate #Tizate #longtermmissions #fear #therealityofGod