The Answer

One of the most frequently asked questions I receive is, "so what are you doing after Guatemala?" And I've been realizing it's about time I should answer, considering I only have four months left until my time here is up. But with the answer comes a bit of a story, so bear with me. Thankfully, it's in the most beautiful setting and with the most amazing people. It's also one of those defining moments in life that happen rarely, but leave you in awe and wonder of the Author and with a burning in your heart. The setting is Tactic, Guatemala. Picture jagged mountains covered in green forest, the occasional waterfall flowing out the side, cattle grazing throughout the misty hills. Dirt roads and tin homes, children in rubber boots and women wearing their colourful traditional dress balancing fruit baskets on their heads. Tactic is the most breath-taking place I've been. It's also very poor, with most of the families unable to pay a $5 monthly school tuition and many children not having enough to eat. 

My mom and I were visiting Impact Ministries, an organization that's built 8 Christian schools in and around Tactic. You can see the bright blue school buildings spotting the landscape as you drive on the winding main road. Blue beacons of hope. For a week I had the privilege of working in some of the schools and teaching English classes. Every day I watched kids be served a good breakfast, worship God with all their hearts during the morning devotional, and then get to sit in a classroom and be taught by Jesus-loving teachers. Most children in Tactic don't get any of that, if they're even going to school. Les and Rita Peters are the founders of Impact Ministries, and God has used them to start a fire in Tactic that is burning and alive. People are being freed from their Mayan religions and the destructive traditions, the darkness that so many were and still are engulfed in, and coming to know Jesus, the Light of the world and the Giver of hope. It's incredible to say the least. God is using His two faithful servants to change lives, and you only have to talk with them for five minutes to realize that these people are the real deal. The first school that I visited in Tactic will always be one of my favourite memories throughout my entire time in Guate. Never have I ever been received with such warmth and love. I was immediately welcomed and introduced to every teacher.

I taught in little classrooms filled with eager students, and many of the teachers were participating, asking questions, and taking notes in the back of the classroom. Most of them didn't even have their own functioning whiteboard markers, but when I would ask if they had one that I could use, they would run out of the class and search for one for me. At lunchtime we sat together and chatted, laughed and joked as if I were part of their family rather than just a visitor for two days. Our last day with them they called us into the tiny staff room and told me, "Sisters, we know that you can't stay here longer, but we wish you could stay the whole year. You've come from so far just to share with us, and we thank God for you. You have blessed us. We don't have much and we could never repay you for how you've shared your time with us, but we made you this." They handed me a little thank-you certificate that had clearly taken some time to make, as well as a little keychain that they had boughten for me. Then they laid their hands on us and blessed us and prayed for us. Wow. I've never had my heart touched like that before, and I still miss my brothers and sisters in Christ from Colegio Purulhá and that tiny rural school nestled in the mountains. The joy of the Lord radiates from their faces, and it was such an honour to be able to worship with them, laugh with them, and share their classrooms with them. They blessed me more than I could ever say. I could talk forever about my time in Tactic, what I learned and experienced, but that's a different story that I'd love to share another time. Back to the answer!

I had been praying and praying for a long time that God would speak to me about what to do after Guatemala, and even though I knew going to school made sense, my heart was literally in anguish thinking about returning to Canada and going to university. Guatemala, the beautiful people and the precious children have my whole heart. It feels like home, and trying to imagine leaving for such a long time without knowing when I'll be back was so hard to swallow. I would often imagine attempting to immerse back into Canadian culture and all that comes with it, and every time it left me feeling anxious and fearful. I literally had nightmares about it! Fears were crowding my mind, "You'll never meet anyone who understands what you've seen and felt for the last year. You're going to feel alone and not understood", "You're going to have so much student debt that you're going to get discouraged and lose all passion and ambition", "You're going to forget every word of Spanish you've learned", and a whole lot more. The biggest lie and the one that hit closest to home, "You'll go back to Canada and forget about everything - the children, your love for them, what God has told you and taught you, and you're going to sink into a life of materialism." Let me tell you, Satan is a very creative liar and a master deceiver.

All of these lies I had been believing for months, even though I knew that God has given me a desire to study the Bible and study psychology so that I can learn how to understand and help heal children who are living in emotional pain due to trauma, abuse, and poverty. Again, Satan is great at twisting truth and making you live in fear. It was only my second night in Tactic as I sat with a short-term group that was also visiting Impact to volunteer and listened to Les giving the nightly debrief. All of a sudden I felt Jesus' presence in the room wash over me, telling me He had something to tell me. My hands started sweating as I listened to Les begin to tell a story about a 19-year-old who came to Guatemala, fell in love with the people, learned one of the many Mayan languages, translated the Bible into their language, and watched God move into their hearts. That 19-year-old is the founder of the Wycliff Bible Translators. "I'm going to fulfill my purpose through you, Daughter. Do not fear." My eyes filled with tears as His sweet words flowed into my heart. Les went on, "our lives are not meant to be lived for ourselves. We were created to give ourselves away." He then began to tell another story, "There was a young woman who came to Guatemala. She saw children being abused, sexually exploited, living in poverty, and she knew she had to do something. So she went to university, got her degree in psychology, and is now working with children in Africa, healing them from their emotional pain." God's overwhelming presence in the room washed over me again. I could physically feel God pressing my heart and whispering into my ear, "This is you. I have created you for this purpose." The tears really began to flow as Les continued to ask anyone who felt God asking them to give their life away kneel right there. I dropped to my knees and prayed, "Yes. Yes I will give my life to you, always. I will go." But I still knew that in that "I will go", there was a little piece of me that was saying, "...except to university. Not there. Guatemala yes, university no." Thankfully, we love and are loved by a God who does not force one to do anything, but gently leads you to a place where He can affirm that His plan is best. So that's what He did. A couple days had passed and I had been putting off going off by myself to pray because I knew that I might hear something I didn't want to hear, which is also exactly what happened. I sat on that bench on the side of a hill overlooking the mountains, knew that Jesus was already sitting right there waiting for me, and I began to weep. He patiently listened as I poured out every fear, doubt, and anxiety that I had, and then He responded in His quiet yet all-encompassing voice. For every fear I had, He gave me a promise. "I will never leave you or forsake you. I have already placed people ahead of you so that you will not feel alone. I will fulfill my purpose for you. And why do you worry about money? Have I not provided? My Daughter, faithful I have been, faithful I will be. Trust me that this is a blessing to you, and I will be glorified because of it. And about Spanish? Mikhaila, I'm sending you to the most multi-cultural city in Canada." So I wept some more. And then I stood up, wiped my tears, and left that bench with the knowledge that I had been given the next step in this long journey of following Jesus and that He had again extended grace and patience to me. Last time He asked me to follow Him somewhere, it was with a, "yes! Yes, yes, yes. I will go to Guatemala." Up until now, God has never asked me to go somewhere I don't want to go, but I thank God that He is kind, loving to all He has made, all-powerful, good and that He has the best plan. My own could never come close to His, and so I continue to follow Him. Affirmed, with a purpose, and with certainty that I will return to Guatemala one day and know that I'll be here to stay. 

So there's the answer! I am going to Tyndale University in Toronto to study Psychology and to minor in Biblical Studies. It's only been a recent thing where I can respond to, "You're going to school? That's so exciting!" with a smile. Over the past few weeks dread has been replaced with peace. Praise God! Thank-you for all of your continued prayers, support, love and kind words. Know that every morning during our worship time at the school, we are asked to pray for our sponsors and bless them, and so every morning you are prayed for and blessed. God is good.