Dios es Bueno.

I am brought to tears by the love of God. Literally, as I write this, tears stream down my face and I can't do anything but praise and adore the Maker of the heavens and earth. The One who gave everything for me.

The past two weeks have been hard.

The church culture was becoming so overwhelming, and I was so tired of trying to understand everything.

The extra money I still needed to fundraise was weighing on me.

My classes were becoming increasingly difficult and my inadequacy to teach children was becoming increasingly evident.

Even my physical health was frustrating. I've been having on-going back pain (sometimes quite severe) for a month now, and never in my life have I had health issues.

I've been missing my family so much that sometimes I can't think of anything else except them. I was beginning to drown, and my faith and belief that Jesus was doing something good was wavering.

And then last week, to top it all off, I moved away from my family. Because of some complications to do my family, Global Shore decided that it was best for me to move out of my house. My family for the last four months, my Mamá who treated me like her own, and my little sisters who I dearly love. Even though I knew it was for best and that it was necessary, it was so hard. It hurt my Mamá's heart a lot, and when I said good-bye with my bags under my arms, her eyes filled with tears and she couldn't even look at me. I've never seen her cry before. My little sisters were quiet, looking at the ground, and my heart broke.

I looked up and shouted at God, "Why am I here? What do You want from me? I don't want to do this anymore and I didn't ask for any of this." And like a child, I sat with my arms crossed, mad at all of this. Mad at what was happening. Mad at other people, and a little bit mad at God.

But God is a Good Father. The best kind of Father who gives good gifts to His beloved children. While I was sitting in my own self-pity, pointing accusingly, He was sending people to help me, orchestrating my steps, and wrapping His arms around me to hold me. He knew exactly what was happening in my heart, and He long ago thought of what He was going to do to show me how long, how deep, and how wide His love is.

I happened to visit a bilingual church in Antigua with the Canadian directors of GSO when they were visiting, and I couldn't stop the tears from coming when the worship band started up and I could sing in English, surrounded by people who love Jesus and who have been brought to this country to serve these people. God gave me something familiar that I could hold onto.

Recently a member of the missions team at my church messaged me, asking if I had been told that the church was deciding to sponsor me, donating a sum that leaves me with only $300 left to raise. A weight lifted from my shoulders, and I could hear His whisper, "don't you know I care about all things?"

Global Shore Opportunities often hosts missions teams and families who want to see what He's up to here at the school. Three members of the team that happened to come at the exact time everything was going on were exactly who I needed. The first, an elementary school teacher who's job for the next week was to help me with my classes. The second, a lovely woman named Emma who specializes in a pain therapy practice, and the third (Emma's husband), a counsellor.

You would think that because of these people, who so clearly were brought here by God and put into my life specially to help me, I would give thanks to the One who sent them. You would think I'd be able to understand all that Jesus had done, but still, I was holding onto my anger and feeling sorry for myself. 

It was only last night as I was just about to fall asleep, when God suddenly spoke directly into my heart, "Don't you see all that I've done for you?" And then, I understood. 

He supplied a church for me where I could worship Him and meet other people with hearts similar to mine. He moved my home church's heart to fill almost the rest of my fundraising needs. He gave me an incredible elementary school teacher who has done SO much to help with my specific issues in class. He gave me a therapist to heal my back, and a counsellor to heal my hurt. And He did all of this, even while I pointed my finger at Him - a dear Father who holds me close to His heart and whispers words of love into my ear. "I am right here, my daughter. Don't you know that I have a good plan for you? Have I not been faithful? Don't you realize that all of this is so that I can show you how much I love you?"

The full weight of all of this hit me tonight, an hour ago actually. And as I look at the date today, March 17th, I realize that exactly this time a year ago, I was in this same country and He was doing the exact same thing - overwhelming me with His unrelenting love and faithfulness.  

God, you are good. What else could I do but follow you wherever you decide to take me, when I think about all You've done for me? What else could I do but sing songs of adoration to you? You keep me close, so that my footsteps fall into the same beat as Your heart. Gracias Señor, mi Esperanzo y mi Alegría. 

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me." Psalm 23:1-4

#missions #Guatemala #GlobalShoreOpportunities #faith #missionsinGuatemala #missionary